Hey friends. I have much to say. You can say I am here to complaint. But whose.
Even I don’t know on whom I am mad at. Perhaps I am angry with myself, or people around me. Or is it simply jealousy.
About this song, the lyrics always seems so real and relatable to me that I feel I am the who wrote this.
When you try your best but you don’t succeed.
It always happens to me. Whether it’s in exams or any competition. Whenever I try my best, not only me but everyone who sees my performance tells me that I am gonna be the winner for sure. But I end up with being loser. Not because I wasn’t worth it or my efforts weren’t enough, but because they don’t want to.
Sometimes a senior gets the chance go level up with the competition because they have gone their there before and they are familiar with teachers. Sometimes because they wants to encourage the freshers, they don’t convey us.
Then what am I. A joke? When I was freshers I didn’t get chance because I wasn’t experienced and I lose against my seniors, though I was worth to win. And now when I am senior I lose against my junior because they want to encourage our junior. What about us. And now we are discouraged what about that. After participating, after giving my best, I don’t win, and they don’t even explain this. The only thing they do is to smile and laugh.
When you get what you want but not what you need.
I get encouragement, everyone including my teacher makes me think highly on myself. They tell me that I am worth of winning. They say I am good at many things. I can do and can learn everything I want. Everyone wants this kind of compliments and encouraging words. I too love this. I get what I want. But what I need is real encouragement. Winning. I need to win in order to be able to face myself in mirror.
I feel like I’ve become a joke. I don’t only want to do my best I want to be the best. I need to win. But I don’t get what I need.
Am I really an unworthy person. Am I really good for nothing.
When you feel so tired but you can’t sleep.
I am also tired. I am tired of losing, I am tired of blaming, I am tired of confronting myself by thinking that I am worthy but just unlucky. I am so tired that even if i want to stop and relax, even if I want to sleep, I can’t.
I just can’t get myself together. I don’t know what to think, I don’t know what to do. Though I know I’ll be better tomorrow. Once I close my eyes I’ll forget about all this but only for the time being. This will happen again and I’ll remember everything again. I just can’t forget all this.
Everytime when this kind of things happen, I just try to forget but I can’t. I pretend to be carefree but this things break me.
Anyway it won’t help. No Matter what I say or do it doesn’t mean anything. I should just accept that I can’t do anything except flattering myself by thinking I am worthy. I should know that I am just a good for nothing person.